Having it "All Together"? Not Quite

So sometimes people will tell me that they think I have it all together...

I don't know if that's because we're homeschooling, or because I have 6 kids, or because I like to garden... can I tell you the truth though? I don't have it all together. I feel very blessed, yes, but I don't always know what to do, or how to handle things, and I'm not always the patient mother I wish I was...

I remember when my older sister got cancer, and I thought our 'perfect little family' was crumbling -- the things that I felt secure in and understood suddenly didn't feel comforting enough for me and I didn't understand. I think that most people who 'look' like they have it all together don't. The funny thing is, I can think of Moms that I look up to, that I still somewhere in my mind think actually DO have it together, or at least they are much more organized than I am, but you know what? I think it's part of life that we're just to try and do our best, and trust to God for the rest.

With homeschooling, I am not ultra organized. I don't bust out crafty projects everyday. A typical day looks like this: I wake up at 5 when Ryan gets up for work, and I try to nurse Jacob back to sleep. I listen to the scriptures on my iPad, sometimes I fall back asleep until 7:30 (another good reason why homeschooling is nice for me). I come out and Amy's usually gotten Lily up and given her a bottle. We have breakfast. My expectations for the three big girls is: Reading, Writing, and Math. Amy reads a bit in her scriptures, and to her sisters, she's working on cursive and spelling, and fractions, multiplication, larger number addition and subtraction. Esther reads to me (and the sisters that peek over the couch), she has a hard time thinking of what to write, and often gets her inspiration from when we watch a Attenborough. Today, since we watched part of Life in Cold Blood (2007) she wrote about "Tortisis" and how they are neat because they are "vary vary slow but when you scare tham thay ran". Esther’s math is learning to carry the one in addition problems like 17+17. Lena is reading in Dick and Jane books, learning to write sentences, and practicing writing not always in all caps. She is making great progress in the Dick and Jane book. We do try to get out for walks, but that’s been harder to do since I’ve had 5 breast infections since he’s been born, I don’t dare strap Jacob to me.

We watch documentaries and love our library, but most days I’m shooting from the hip. I don’t have an awesome curriculum I’m using. I’m just being a Mom, and teaching as I go. I wouldn’t trade the opportunity to answer their questions and grow with them for anything, but it means that I have had to let some things go. Personal time is one of them. My day is filled with getting the girls through the three Rs, answering questions, reading and snuggling the little ones, or getting Jacob to nap in my lap while hearing the others read. My house is usually messy, but when Daddy’s home we tackle it as a family. Over all, I feel if I’m doing my best, God will make up the rest, but that doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing along the way.